How to Meet New Dogs and Make Friends (even with the fearful and anxious ones)

Margo, Pepper, Rusty, Ziggy and I

I've been making friends with dogs for 42 years (and I turn 43 in November). I don't know everything about how dogs think, but I've spent a lifetime trying to figure it out. Did I try telepathy? Yes: when I was about 8. But I'll tell you what works better than telepathy in more cases than not.

It works with dogs, it works with cats, it works with baboons, it works with tigers. The only animals it doesn't work with is birds. In my experience there's no making friends with birds. You can only hope to co exist and appreciate them from a distance. Or they bite you. Or me specifically.

I'm not saying I'm the world's highest authority on dogs or animals or on greeting them (but I have met a great many animals and none of them have bitten be unless they had beaks). I'm not saying this will work with every dog. I'm sure other people have other ideas about this topic. I know they do. But this is what works in my experience.

Today I met a group of four dogs, two of which needed some special handling to warm up to me. These dogs have already been working with our trainer, and had a couple of walks with our other staff. But this was my first time meeting them in person. Later when one of our staff came in it was a good teaching experience for how we approach meeting new dogs. That made me want to write about it for anyone who could use this same advice that I tried imparting to him, and later to our staff in our group text.

Why Do People So Often Get It Wrong?

Because there is so much misinformation about how to approach dogs. Because people assume dogs should all act like the golden retriever who treats everyone like their best friend immediately. Because we often think that confidence will translate to how dogs think.

People come in and shove their hands in their face. Oh I'm gonna give them pets and scratches. And then they're confused when they get bit.

Some people who think they understand dogs will say "Oh I let them sniff my hand." Yeah that's fine unless they've been hit by a hand or they just don't trust your hand. "Oh I know you don't put your hand over their head and pet the top of their head because they might have been hit." And then they still put their hand under their chin or in their face without knowing the dog.

What Are Common Hurdles?

We don't know everything a dog has been through in most cases, unless we raised them since they were puppies. We don't know if someone hit them once, or more than that. We don't know how their breed, or genetics, or experiences have impacted their personalities.

I was asked about my own timid dog Blue Roo by a stranger who was giving our jovial lab Maggie scratches. The person asked if Roo was a rescue. I said yes, we got her from a rescue. She replied "oh that's why!" But Roo was a tiny puppy at a great rescue surrounded by other dogs, and then in a home with a fantastic foster and a very dog friendly child. She had suffered no hardship! She was a confident puppy. And then this great pyrenees/cattledog mix got anxious and fearful and reactive at around the 6 month mark. And while she got training to be able to operate out and about without shaking or barking at every dog she sees, she is still a shy girl who needs to meet people in specific ways.

We also have to take into account how we come across when we approach dogs. Large men are just flat out going to have a harder time getting many dogs to feel comfortable with them. Things like hats can also offer a challenge. And then consider our voices and how we move.

So this guide is based entirely on personal experience. It's not really that different depending on the animal, but it is focused on dogs specifically.

How Do I Approach New Dogs?

1. If the owner is present the first thing I do is follow their lead. They should tell you how to approach their dog. If they don't I ask them.

2. Whether or not the owner is there I move calmly. No sudden movements.

3. I read the dog's body language. Are they barking? Are their ears back? Are they wagging their tail? Are they avoiding me? This is all good info for me to have.

4. I don't rush toward them. I don't stare them in their eyes. I don't make them think I'm focused on them or am going to invade their space.

5. I don't put my hands in their face. I mostly keep them to my side.

6. I keep a calm quiet small voice. I have a fairly deep male voice. I tone that down. I am never loud, I don't yell, I don't raise my voice.

7. I let the dog come to me. I still don't put my hands in their face.

8. If I am fairly certain they're just fearful or anxious and not aggressive, I will get closer to their level. Again I'm not going to necessarily let them get in my face and if I do and they bite my in the face, I see that as a failure in my own reading of the dog's behavior.

9. I may crouch or sit on a chair or sit on the ground and let them check me out if they're curious. I let them sniff me and I don't move fast.

10. I avoid looking them in the eyes. I avoid coming across like I'm focused on them.

11. I will talk to them calmly and say their name. Tell them they're a good dog/good girl/good boy.

12. Once they sniff me and come up next to me I'll give them pets on the side of their body or neck, not on their head or around their face. They're still trying to figure out if they can trust me. I won't pet them forcefully or wrestle with them, I'll just give them some nice scratches.

13. Once they have checked me out and wag their tail and accept pets and scratches I still don't assume they fully trust me. I will spend the rest of that first experience around them doing what I outlined above. I will be calm, I will avoid sudden movement, I will let them approach me unless they seem very accepting of my approach, I will be friendly.

14. The next time I see them I start from scratch. Some dogs need a few sessions to build trust.

15. Bonus point is: if a dog is aggressive, barking, lunging or trying to bite, I will not push my luck. I will back off and end the session if needed.

Diablo Dog is a Petcare Company in Martinez, California and Serving Contra Costa County. We offer Dog Walking, Daycare, Training, and Grooming. Feel free to create an account with us at the button at the top of the page or call or email us for questions.

We highly encourage comments, particularly if you have anything to add about this topic. I'm always striving to learn about the animals we care for, and also teach out staff to improve our level of care.

Matt Heikkila

Diablo Dog

725 Alhambra Ave, Martinez, Ca

925-215-0410